Dad for President 2012

Kids have selective hearing, and they always select to hear at the most inopportune times. Which got me to thinking about some to the things Dad has said, and how I had some 'splanin' to do later.

Like, for instance, this past Easter Sunday. I already mentioned the really awesome Plan of God sermon he preached. It was towards the end when Dad tells how Jesus went to Hell and took the keys from Satan. But all my 7 year old heard was, "JESUS WHEN TO HELL." The look on Ethan's face was priceless! Chad leans over and says, "You're gonna have to fix that one!" but I'm already on it - I'm quick like that, Babe!

I lean over to tell Ethan, "Jesus didn't stay in Hell, more like a visit. He just went to take the keys from the devil." This makes total sense to me so I'm patting myself on the back when he says..."
Hell has keys?" Big eyes again.
Me: "Um, yeah, I guess so."
At this point his eyes glazed over and I knew I had lost him already.I'm pretty sure he now believes that Jesus was a BAD boy and had to go to Hell (cause that's where bad boys go, according to mommy), where there was some kind of four wheeler race that Jesus apparently won cause now he has the keys to Hell. That'll work for now, right?

Then there's the time Dad is talking about Spaz & Bandit, the two dogs living on his front porch. Bandit is ours and Spaz is Melissa's, but lives with us? And we feed him? And play with him? But I digress....Dad is supposedly not fond of dogs, especially dogs that eat his food, sleep on his porch, and poo in his yard. They actually don't do that last one, but try telling Dad that :) But that's another story. So, anyway, Dad is telling how he would eat Bandit in a heartbeat if we ran out of food. Now, we are all laughing, as this is totally a joke.

Obviously we are eating the fattest neighbor first.

But from the back row where Beth & I are sitting, we see Katie's blonde hair fly as she sits up fast as lightning and whips her head around to look at me with a big HEWANTSTOEATMYDOG!? look on her face. Priceless! She actually shed tears over that one, which was Not So Fun.

Thanks, Dad.

Life is never dull around our house, and neither is church, thanks to Dad. It'll probably land him a lawsuit or arrest warrent one of these days, but that's okay...we'll just have church in jail :D