50,000 things...

I haven't forgotten my blog, guys, I swear! But Saturday Chad's last grandparent, his mom's mom, died. Sunday Chad had a 24 hour virus, then Monday we pulled the kids out of their last week of school and drove 10 hours to Ohio. Then his grandma's funeral yesterday, then hanging out with all the relatives we usually see once a year, some even less. I actually sat to write about it all three different times and had to quit in the middle, so there it is in a nutshell :)

Today is our first day to take a breath.

I didn't take the kids to the funeral. Katie and Ethan are probably old enough to understand most of what is going on, but Micah and Ben still won't whisper in church, so I could only imagine what kind of trouble that would lead to at a funeral!

But we joined up with everyone afterwards at the...well, I was going to say "reception!" What do you call that, when you go eat after a funeral? The wake is before, so...hmmm. Anyway, if any of you know, share the correct term with me please! LOL...

So, as I was getting ready yesterday I noticed that I have unusually dark circles under my eyes. This isn't normal for me, which makes me think I've been getting even less sleep than I thought. I mean, I feel like dog poo every single morning, just about. It's been, well, years since I woke up feeling like I got a great, full night of sleep. But today as I was checking out the bags under my eyes again, I found a bruise!

Hmmmmmmm. Wonder why I have a black eye?! I seriously do not remember being hit in the eye but there is definitely a bruise under my right eye. Even Chad noticed. Which means everyone else did too, since he is never the most astute observer in the room.

I also noticed something else yesterday. Chad is about 5 or 6 years older than his two siblings. I am a year older than he is. So yesterday we were sitting at a table with his brother, Zac, and his girlfriend of almost two years, Jess, his cousin, Scott, and his girlfriend of about 7 years, Ashley. They are all about 23-25 years old. Both girls are a size 4. I know this because Jess is in a wedding in July and the dress is a size 4, so she keeps checking to make sure it still fits. It does.

Ashley is a personal trainer. Let me say that again: Ashley is a PERSONAL TRAINER. Let that sink in, moms. Now imagine trying to scarf down a plate of food before your kids doing anything that requires a trip outside to have a talk with "mom's hand", while sitting across from your own personal hell...I mean, trainer. Yep. It was *that* much fun.

Of course, they are both blonde and gorgeous, to boot. Ashley actually reminds me of Jessica Simpson. Same body, long blonde hair, and clothing style. Jess is the perfect athletic girl next door type. And both are size fours.

I'm going to show them my Lindsey Bones Lohan blog :)

I heard Ashley say, "Oh, he's so cute!" while she watched Ben rub corn through his hair. Then her eyes flicked past me and I think she saw her future. And it hurt. So, I'm guessing no kids for them anytime soon. I should charge parents for that little trick. Scare their daughters into abstinance: "And THIS, girls, is what you will end up looking like after you've pushed out four of those "cute" little babies! Now, who wants to get knocked up? What? No takers? Mission accomplished!" Cha-Ching!

Of course, both girls (YES, they are girls compared to old, baggy eyes me) are completely nice and sweet to boot, so I can't hate them. I tried. It's like hating a little puppy with huge, sad puppy dog eyes. Can't be done. So, if you can't hate them...well, I'm not sure what the end of that one is, but I am suddenly drinking more water, trying to hide from the bag of chips yelling my name, and about to pass out from sucking my gut in all day long.

Time to end this. Chad just yelled at Micah, to tell him to get up closer to the house. Micah yells back, I nee to see dah nate!

Chad is like, What? Just get up here!

Again, Micah says, No! I nee to see dah nate!

Chad can't figure out what he is saying, though by this point in the story I figured out what he was saying and was ready to pass out. So, he goes hunting Micah and Ben and finds them on the other side of the garage, digging under some debris. Looking for The Snake.

We are now in the process of figuring out how big the "nate" was, to determine if it's really a lizard. Please. God. Let it be a lizard!

P.S. The internet is still some unknown, scary, new fangled contraption up here in backwoods, Hicktown, Ohio, USA; cell phones are of the devil. So, I will do my best to post every day but it takes me 39874 tries to get a connection, after walking around the house with my cell phone up the air. And that, Mom, is why you do not have to worry about us looking for a job in Ohio :)