So, Ben will be three years old on August first, which means there is a milestone we have to cross off our list soon: Potty Training.
In my experience, when you potty train a girl, you start talking the talk, with demonstrations, around age 18 months. Then around 2 years of age, you let them sit on the potty just for fun. Then, oh, think you can put something in the Big Girl Potty? Good girl! And, Bingo! Mommy's Little Big Girl is potty trained before the two and a half years mark. You sail on past her 3rd birthday with Mommy of the Year Award in hand, ready for early Teen Pregnancy Intervention.
But boys are a little different. To put it bluntly, boys are L.a.z.y. Yes, I said it: Lazy! I have three of them, I get to make that generalization. Yes, I am aware that your little boy is the perfect male specimen and potty trained at 18 months....but that is NOT the norm, and I have 2 boys and 3 brothers that prove it :) (Sorry, bros...get under that bus)
See, with boys, you start the demonstration phase at 18 months, then start setting up the scene and introducing Potty Training Vocabulary at age two. At two and a half years you start asking for volunteers. Then, one day you make a fatal error: BRIBERY. In a moment of desperation, you promise, "If you pee pee on the potty, I will give you a piece of CANDY!"
Big Mistake.
From then on, anytime your precious little boy wants a piece of candy, he yells,
"Mommy, I pee pee on da pot tyyyy!" You get your hopes up, run look in the potty, hands already in clapping position....but no go. False alarm. And you continue to get false alarms and what I like to call "Just Got Lucky" bowel movements (basically, he would have peed right then, no matter where he happened to be...he just happened to get lucky and be standing naked over the toilet at *that* exact moment).
So then you spend about six months negotiating candy amounts, running to the potty for false alarms and JGL's, when FINALLY, around 3 years old, the left side (or right, can't remember which side does what right now) of their brain kicks in gear and BAM! Suddenly, over the course of a few days to a week, your little baby boy morphs into A Big Boy...right in front of your eyes. And that year, as the elves, gnomes, storks...WHOEVER...hands you the Mommy of the Year Award, you wipe the sweat from your brow, grab your hard earned trophy, stagger toward your bed and, as you drift off into a much needed month of sleep, murmer to your perplexed husband, "You're potty training the next one!"
Today's Fun Potty Conversation:
Micah was potty trained last year, around his 3rd birthday. Now, I'm setting Ben up for his initiation to the Big Boy Club. Today's conversation gives me hope:
"Micah, I KNOW you have to go to the potty...you're walking like a penguin, and I know I don't own a penguin. So go get on that potty RIGHT NOW. Or *else*!" (Substitute any form of legal punishment you can think of in place of *else*)
"But Mommy, I awweddy poo poo on da potty tommawoh (tomorrow), remembrr?"
"You mean yesterday, but that doesn't change the fact that you are obviously prairie doggin' it, so go to the bathroom NOW!
Two minutes later:
"Mommy! I poo poo a big one, WOOK! "
And then my favorite part of the job, I LOOK. Fortunately, after now looking at 4 different kids' poo, I focus on color and substance only, while conveniently breathing through my mouth only...a skill only moms seem to possess, or so my husband swears as he gags after one of these cool potty sessions.
Everything looks good. Still no sign of that penny he may or may not have eaten. Obviously the apples did the trick as this is his 4th poo in 3 days, so check that one off the list. Hmmm, green? Oh yeah...drank all that orange kool aid earlier. Woo! No trip to the ER to determine if the copper penny is eating his small intestine and changing his poo to green....
Then, I hear proof that my scene & vocab set up is working on the next candidate in training, Ben:
"Wook, Mitah! You poo poo a big one! Dood boy, Mitah! Dood job, Mitah! Dood job!"
Then, my manners check:
"What do we tell Ben, Micah?"
"Tant tou, Bah."
"Dood job, Mitah! Dood job!"
"Tant tou, Bah."
"Dood job, Mitah!"
"Okay, OKAY, boys, I get it...good job, Micah. Let's move on!"
And so I gear up for the next phase of Operation Potty Train Ben...aka, Hell Week: Training Pants. Stay tuned.
In my experience, when you potty train a girl, you start talking the talk, with demonstrations, around age 18 months. Then around 2 years of age, you let them sit on the potty just for fun. Then, oh, think you can put something in the Big Girl Potty? Good girl! And, Bingo! Mommy's Little Big Girl is potty trained before the two and a half years mark. You sail on past her 3rd birthday with Mommy of the Year Award in hand, ready for early Teen Pregnancy Intervention.
But boys are a little different. To put it bluntly, boys are L.a.z.y. Yes, I said it: Lazy! I have three of them, I get to make that generalization. Yes, I am aware that your little boy is the perfect male specimen and potty trained at 18 months....but that is NOT the norm, and I have 2 boys and 3 brothers that prove it :) (Sorry, bros...get under that bus)
See, with boys, you start the demonstration phase at 18 months, then start setting up the scene and introducing Potty Training Vocabulary at age two. At two and a half years you start asking for volunteers. Then, one day you make a fatal error: BRIBERY. In a moment of desperation, you promise, "If you pee pee on the potty, I will give you a piece of CANDY!"
Big Mistake.
From then on, anytime your precious little boy wants a piece of candy, he yells,
"Mommy, I pee pee on da pot tyyyy!" You get your hopes up, run look in the potty, hands already in clapping position....but no go. False alarm. And you continue to get false alarms and what I like to call "Just Got Lucky" bowel movements (basically, he would have peed right then, no matter where he happened to be...he just happened to get lucky and be standing naked over the toilet at *that* exact moment).
So then you spend about six months negotiating candy amounts, running to the potty for false alarms and JGL's, when FINALLY, around 3 years old, the left side (or right, can't remember which side does what right now) of their brain kicks in gear and BAM! Suddenly, over the course of a few days to a week, your little baby boy morphs into A Big Boy...right in front of your eyes. And that year, as the elves, gnomes, storks...WHOEVER...hands you the Mommy of the Year Award, you wipe the sweat from your brow, grab your hard earned trophy, stagger toward your bed and, as you drift off into a much needed month of sleep, murmer to your perplexed husband, "You're potty training the next one!"
Today's Fun Potty Conversation:
Micah was potty trained last year, around his 3rd birthday. Now, I'm setting Ben up for his initiation to the Big Boy Club. Today's conversation gives me hope:
"Micah, I KNOW you have to go to the potty...you're walking like a penguin, and I know I don't own a penguin. So go get on that potty RIGHT NOW. Or *else*!" (Substitute any form of legal punishment you can think of in place of *else*)
"But Mommy, I awweddy poo poo on da potty tommawoh (tomorrow), remembrr?"
"You mean yesterday, but that doesn't change the fact that you are obviously prairie doggin' it, so go to the bathroom NOW!
Two minutes later:
"Mommy! I poo poo a big one, WOOK! "
And then my favorite part of the job, I LOOK. Fortunately, after now looking at 4 different kids' poo, I focus on color and substance only, while conveniently breathing through my mouth only...a skill only moms seem to possess, or so my husband swears as he gags after one of these cool potty sessions.
Everything looks good. Still no sign of that penny he may or may not have eaten. Obviously the apples did the trick as this is his 4th poo in 3 days, so check that one off the list. Hmmm, green? Oh yeah...drank all that orange kool aid earlier. Woo! No trip to the ER to determine if the copper penny is eating his small intestine and changing his poo to green....
Then, I hear proof that my scene & vocab set up is working on the next candidate in training, Ben:
"Wook, Mitah! You poo poo a big one! Dood boy, Mitah! Dood job, Mitah! Dood job!"
Then, my manners check:
"What do we tell Ben, Micah?"
"Tant tou, Bah."
"Dood job, Mitah! Dood job!"
"Tant tou, Bah."
"Dood job, Mitah!"
"Okay, OKAY, boys, I get it...good job, Micah. Let's move on!"
And so I gear up for the next phase of Operation Potty Train Ben...aka, Hell Week: Training Pants. Stay tuned.
Picture of the Day:
My Mother's Day Bouquet...otherwise known as,
Mommy of the Year Trophy
Mommy of the Year Trophy
OMG! I laughed so hard at this post. Jacob is fully trained and has been for quite some time, Tyler on the other hand is hit and miss. He's great at peeing in the potty. Aweful at pooping in the potty. Pretty much refuses and they turn 4 in August.
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