Random Rants

Hey, I have 8 followers - go me! Well, maybe only 7, as I think Linn is following me twice. (coughSTALKERcough) Nah, she's my cousin, she's allowed ;)

I just got back from taking Beth's boyfriend (I seriously typed hubby without thinking!!!) to the doctor. He has the flu for the second time in less than two months. I know because I took him the last time. I don't mind taking him cause it's an excellent excuse to sit & read a book uninterrupted. Let me repeat that: UNINTERRUPTED. Let that sit and percolate, moms.

Or, as I did today, to shop without 4 extremely loud voices constantly in my ear. Still had the voices in my head, unfortunately... But today I got to do something I rarely get to do. Some poor lady was shopping next to me in The Salvation Army and her teenage son, about 13-15 (who can tell these days, with steroids & energy drinks creating teenage monsters), kept whining, "Are you ready, mom?" I wanted to slap a sticker on his forehead that said Future Whiner Club President, but I didn't. Instead, I smiled at her in that Yeah, I've got some of those way and kept browsing. Now, if I'd had my four kids with me and heard a whiney voice asking if I was ready to leave, I probably would have snapped one of my kids' head off. It's just automatic. You assume that high pitched grating noise must be one of your own spawn. But today I got to IGNORE the fingernails on a chalkboard sound and keep shopping.

Speaking of The Salvation Army, it used to be one of my favorite places to bargain hunt. Finding a pair of American Eagle jeans in my size, already worn to the perfect shape & shade...priceless! Well, ususally about $2. But today, and this hurts...I could not afford The Salvation Army. Isn't that absurd?! In my mind, The Salvation Army is just one step above a yard sale, so no need to get on your high horse and triple the price...it's still used goods! And to top it off, they were selling USED PANTIES today. Has the economy really dropped that drastically that we must stoop to wearing someone else's draws? If so, I want Victoria's panties :D Shhhh....

Oh, and another thing...why are there so many size 0's (zero) in the women's pants section? Well, I have a theory: only 2 types of women can wear a size 0, which, by the way is not even a real number. Technically, yes. But someone that wears a zero in jeans should not be counted in the U.S. Census...am I right or am I right!?

Anyhoo, as I said, only two types of female can wear a size zero:

Type A: Hollywood "stars" such as Lindsey Lohan, who eat crack coccaine for breakfast and wash it down with some kind of alcoholic beverage (hear that Louise "Margarita" Smith?!). I mean, have you seen Lindsey's ribs lately? She's like a stick! You could snap her like the twig she is and make firewood to burn all the ridiculous magazine covers with her on the front. Seriously! Yes, I know that was hateful but I don't care. Walks like a twig, talks like a twig....you see my point?

I changed my mind about eating the fattest neighbor first: Bones Lohan is going first for being so stupidly skinny so she can fit into one leg of her panties. Snort.

B. Okay, the only other type that can fit a size zero are starving girls in Ethiopia. And really, don't they wish they were a size 20? I mean, seriously! I say we feed Lindsey Showing Ribs to the starving Cambodia girls...get them up to a size 0.5, at least.

So there you have it. Resale shops are full of size zeros because Linds doesn't do, well, resale shops. OR food. And starving kids in Africa don't shop in Tennessee. Or anywhere, from what I've seen.

And that about sums up my raving rants for the day.

Happy Thursday!